On Confidence

I remember about ten years ago watching an interview with Kid Rock. Now, I loathe Kid Rock and his hyper produced derivative rap-metal meme, but this interview grabbed me. It must have, as I still remember it today.

Actually, I remember only one thing from the interview. The interviewer asked him, if you weren't a rock star, what would you have done for a living? He replied [and I'm paraphrasing], "I would have been a rock star. No matter what it took. I always knew I was going to make this happen."

That confidence is remarkable. And because Kid Rock did become a rock star, it's tempting to say that this confidence is what enabled him to accomplish his dream. He didn't hedge his bets. He didn't let day jobs distract him. He was utterly consumed with a dream. And he got there. It doesn't matter that Kid Rock isn't that talented, and perhaps it's because of his mediocrity that this confidence was important.

It's a bit circular though. You need singular dedication and obsessive self belief to make it as a rock star. Kid Rock had that. Therefore, Kid Rock made it.

Sadly, that dedication and self belief is a necessary but not sufficient condition to stardom. Because there are lots of folks with that belief, but few who attain the prize. There are legions of unknown wanna-be Kid Rockers wandering around, disheartened and confused, and despite singular dedication and obsessive self belief, they never made it.

Personally, I don't have that kind of confidence. I'm inclined to consider a fuller range of possibilities. I could become a rock star. Or, I could get hit by an asteroid. I could get a desk job. Or, I could become a struggling artist who spends my life trying to achieve artistic renown, but failing. I could be mediocre. I could be above average. Meh.

And so I have hedged my bets. I didn't pursue my dreams all the way. I was once a poor writer, but after a year or two of failing to make much of a living, I got more stable jobs. This allowed me to live a better life, but I never pursued the dream to the fullest. Writers (more or less) in my age bracket, such as Klosterman, Simmons, and Will Leitch, stuck with it, despite the odds. But so did thousands of others toiling in obscurity, living on a pittance, each day knowing that they did not achieve the dream either, despite giving up everything to get there.

It's hard to know whether you have that talent unless you dedicate yourself singularly to that pursuit. But there are many more who try than those who succeed.

I'm not unhappy with the choices I've made. But part of me wonders if I was a bit more like Kid Rock, what would have happened.